It's been awhile.

I swear, I need to detach my phone from my hand.

Constantly checking for text messages, or any communication. Let it go, Michael. Seriously.

Another saturday night just vanished. At least my guitars got a bit of action. Maybe the rain was the main culprit. It's odd...I don't expect to be first on someone's mind, but wow, to not be contacted to hang out. That just plain sucks, man.

One friend read a twitter post and was cool enough to invite me out with her family to chill - I was very appreciative, but I wanted to let loose a bit, and not think about just things that constantly race through my head. Come to think of it, perhaps being alone tonight - like every night seemingly - it just the norm, and I shouldn't be so unforgiving of it.

Meh.

Monday, I fly out with my Domi to Florida for the holidays. Excited for him to spend time with his Grandparents...should be fun, relaxing, but stressful in a way. I'll be wondering what I will be coming back to in California.

I'll get better at updating this thing, especially with upcoming recording in January.

Ciao. or Tchau. Whatever.

End Transmission.

Displacement and disenchantment.

The last month has been...difficult - to say the least.

People change. Feelings change. Plans change. Life changes.

I get that.

I guess I'm having a hard time being upfront with everything - even though I constantly look for the words to express myself. They just keep going wrong. One step forward, two steps back.

If you are disenchanted with me, just tell me. Don't wait. I don't want the anxiety. I want what you want.

Honesty. Love. Support.

I get the opposite of what I am working towards. And that does hurt. Even someone with tougher skin as I have.

Por ejemplo (sp?) - Dropped off my Domi at the Childrens' Center today after we had lunch/playground/ice cream time. He was out last weekend to go with his mom on a trip. The sign in/sign out sheet said "family trip". It hit me hard. Typically I give him a big hug and kiss and tell him to behave, and that I will call him later. But seeing that: "Family Trip"...just did me in. It wasn't a family trip. It was a trip with his mom's friends. I know there isn't a word like "half-family" or "maternal family" to describe this trip. But it wasn't completed by me.

Another time I have felt like an outsider to my Son's life.

Luckily, we had an awesome time at the playground. Hot potato with the baseball...picnic style lunch (courtesy of the dollar menu at El Pollo Loco).

When I left, he told me: "I love you, Daddy".

So to end this post. If you feel like it, tell me you love me. And would love a big hug from me.

it goes a long way.

California is (still) burning.

Wow it was hot today.

A few days ago i was in Big Bear during the same time of day...there it was 76 degrees, with a cool breeze. Beautiful. Even took a nap in the part just because I could.

Today...sitting on the 15 north going towards San Bernardino to pick up Domi, via Fontana...was brutal. Wags gives off so much heat, and sitting there, no A/C, wasting gas, just not a portrait of stability given everything that has happened lately. My mohawk was even sweating.

It was all worth it when I saw my Domi waiting there for me with a big smile on his face. Priceless.

Meanwhile...I've been sitting here watching some Japanese station, with a talk show on. Little boats, rivers and symbols keep coming across the screen. Now there's a commercial in Japanese for San Manuel...Cheech looks pretty funny with a girlish voice dubbed in. Beats the hell out of the horrible Dolph Lungren flick on the Sci-Fi channel. People that work the aisles at wal-mart are more interesting then this crap. Drago, you have no career.

all for now. more tomorrow after morning marketing meeting with ANV.

Updates, etc.

***Dateline: August 18th, 2009 @ 11am ***

A stocky, 30-something caucasian man, armed with broad shoulders, a mohawk and a crooked smirk will meet with the owner of a respected Theatrical/Commericial Agency. Hoping to impress with the real feel of a musician/actor looking to make an impact in an industry loaded with thin, pretty faces and macho men much shorter then he, the mohican inquires about being aboard a roster full of immensely talented and unique looking individuals.

This is a pass/fail test, with no reason to cheat.

It's not life or death. It's not the end of the world if the Agency does not feel like I would be a profitable addition to their talent roster. But either way, win or lose...I am excited beyond belief. At the possibilities, and the opportunity to meet (again) with some great, no-nonense industry experts who will be honest about whether or not I have what they want or need. Yes...I am stoked to have this interview tomorrow.

Music news: We (the dudes in A New Vice) finally received first pressing of the debut CD. It was emotional to say the least when we unboxed a few copies to send around. Reserving a few for select family/friends, the remainder go for sale, and more importantly, to radio and press. Not sure exactly what the marketing team has in effect, and what cities they are campusing with the first media push...but we know that it will go even further in a positive direction. More fans are making it known they love A New Vice. Awesome.

A few weekends ago, Three Sixes (Damien, Whiskey, McYaku and myself) met for another overview of the new tunes for the upcoming record. Headbanging along and yelling notes over the blasting pre-production tracks, we are {finally} progressing. We've decided on 13-15 songs, with possibly a few bonus tracks for fans available thru special media outlets. I want to give a release date, but Damien sums it up best - it will be done when it's done. Egotistically speaking, I have written some brutal and honest music for Damien to spew lyrical bloodshed over. We've grown as friends, brothers, musicians and Co-Writers for a very conceptual - and raw - collection of musical selections. He's on top of his game, and he has stated I am on top of mine. We busted our asses to bring our fans the best of what we can provide. Honest, brutal, heavy, shrilling hardcore/death/thrash/trash/ghetto metal. Haters can suck it.

More music updates to come...and I'll let you know how it works out tomorrow!

The Best Big Mac - ever.

Let me start off by saying I hate McDonald's. I do not eat there (on a regular basis). Sure I cave in to the Sausage & Egg Biscuit with an Ice Coffee...but...I gave up on the other food when I decided I really needed to pack on muscle and eat better. I take my Domi there sometimes, but trying to curb that too. Ok...today...

...had an audition for a new movie that will shoot at the end of the month. Going to be shown at Festivals, yadda yadda. Director was super cool...and the role is for a bouncer guy who indulges in the punk lifestyle. I looked the part, and read well with the Director. I'm pretty confident I will get this lead. Anyway, what helped out is that I was starving. I spotted the golden arches on Ventura...and the Big Mac was not only satisfactory, but downright mindblowing. Lame, yes. I felt guilty after eating it. That and taking a nap sitting on the 210 back out to the I.E.

...random shite: Football is back. Watched the Raiders lay waste to the Cowpokes. Started thinking about how the Atlanta Falcons have a damn good shot provided they are no fluke. Just glad the NFL is back. I missed you, oh-taker-of-Sundays. And Monday nights. Rock.

I'll actually write about the meaningful things soon. Sorry for the rant.

But hey, thanks for stopping by.

I'm reading yours, too.

mobile blogging.

There are a slew of applications fabricated with to support Android that are designed for social networking. Trying one now= androblogger. hoping this works out so i can spend less time with a laptop and capturing the spurt of the moment with ease (zee phone).

Dodgers are letting the West slip away. Angels got beat up early but still look tops in the AL. I hate the yankees.

although this mobile blogging thing doesn't auto-correct spelling, punctuation and capitalize the beginning of sentences, it will allow me the convenience of purposely never giving a capital Y to the yankees. they can suck it.

Waking up this morning on the futon mattress, located on the floor in my makeshift bedroom/office, it feels like it's going to be hot today. Not just weather-wise, but in general with all that is happening. Work - existing and lack thereof; music - realizing that being more important doesn't equal more important; money - yeah..you get the picture.

I don't know if I can commit to writing a "blog", as so many people do each day. Really...is my shit as interesting as the next person's? What do I say? "Hey, I'm on the toilet now, surfing the net with my G1 Google Phone, and seeking out applications to make my already convenient life easier. Seriously...I used to value my time in the bathroom with a copy of Guitar World mag (in the latest years, Revolver and Alt. Press), away from the distractions of life: budgets, schedules, deadlines, making someone else money while I slaved away for "the man"! Now...I talk on the phone, surf the net, answer emails and texts while on my throne. My other office. Shit. Literally.

My daily morning thoughts consist of what I need to focus on to make my career(s) flourish.

I'm on twitter, facebook and the other networks in some way, shape or form.

http://www.twitter.com/madmohican