Displacement and disenchantment.

The last month has been...difficult - to say the least.

People change. Feelings change. Plans change. Life changes.

I get that.

I guess I'm having a hard time being upfront with everything - even though I constantly look for the words to express myself. They just keep going wrong. One step forward, two steps back.

If you are disenchanted with me, just tell me. Don't wait. I don't want the anxiety. I want what you want.

Honesty. Love. Support.

I get the opposite of what I am working towards. And that does hurt. Even someone with tougher skin as I have.

Por ejemplo (sp?) - Dropped off my Domi at the Childrens' Center today after we had lunch/playground/ice cream time. He was out last weekend to go with his mom on a trip. The sign in/sign out sheet said "family trip". It hit me hard. Typically I give him a big hug and kiss and tell him to behave, and that I will call him later. But seeing that: "Family Trip"...just did me in. It wasn't a family trip. It was a trip with his mom's friends. I know there isn't a word like "half-family" or "maternal family" to describe this trip. But it wasn't completed by me.

Another time I have felt like an outsider to my Son's life.

Luckily, we had an awesome time at the playground. Hot potato with the baseball...picnic style lunch (courtesy of the dollar menu at El Pollo Loco).

When I left, he told me: "I love you, Daddy".

So to end this post. If you feel like it, tell me you love me. And would love a big hug from me.

it goes a long way.